Monday, October 14, 2013

Alternate Ending

When I walked into the trial that day, I was fairly uncertain of the outcome. I knew maybe I should of brought up self-defense into the case, but I thought I would let my lawyer work his magic. In the beginning of the trial I was sure I would be found guilty, but as time went on, my hopes got higher. The judge seemed to understand what had happened, and she believed I wasn't guilty. She almost helped the jury make their decision. When the jury left the room to vote, I almost dozed off. I couldn't sleep much since my jail cell neighbor snores so loud. This whole trial had been relatively boring. I had to repeat my story more times than I could count on my fingers and toes. Fun  fact, I was born with 6 toes on each foot, so that's a lot. Well after around 45 minutes or so the jury walked back in. The rotund man with a shiny, light reflecting head, walked up to the judge and whispered something. The judge nodded and said something I could not understand quietly back to the man. The man had walked back to his seat, and the judge slammed her gavel 3 times saying "order". I must have not been listening, but while the jury left, the court room started to go crazy. Marie was crying, and being comforted by a woman who must be a friend of hers. Many others were talking about the outcome, and I noticed Raymond sitting in the 3rd row or so. He had an almost pained expression on his face, and I knew he felt bad for me, yet knew I was guilty. I thought so too. It was then that I noticed a woman, in a long dress, and a head & face covering. She had 3 children withe her, and I then I realized who she was. I had never thought that the Arab had a family. I immediately felt guilty. Without realizing it, tears came to my eyes. She was staring at me, while her 3 children cried. She had a look in her eyes that was not only hatred, yet extreme sadness too. I sat back down and looked forward. I could only think about how terrible of a person I was. Soon enough the judge was starting to talk again. I whispered to my lawyer, asking if I could go on the stand and speak. He raised 2 fingers and asked the judge, which she replied
“Alright, but make it quick.” accompanied with an eye roll. As soon as I got to the stand I just said sorry. Again & again & again. To the family, to the friends, to Marie, to everyone I pulled into this mess. I heard a sob, and looked over to the jury. Almost every person there was crying from my apology. They then asked the judge if they could go back out and rethink the outcome. The judge agreed and the jury left the room again. This time they were much quicker, and when they came back in they all seemed pleased.
“Ok, what is the outcome jury.” the judge asked, almost seeming annoyed.
“The outcome….” the rotund man said, trying to create suspense, “is NOT guilty!” The crowd was silent. You could of heard a pin drop. I wasn’t sure I deserved this. Even the judge was surprised.
“Well than, thats that.” The judge informed the crowd. Everyone silently milled out of the room. I was then at that point told I could leave. I walked all the way home thinking about what I am supposed to do with my life. I didn't deserve to not be in jail right now. At that moment a thought crossed my head. I would not be harming anyone else, and I am sure many people would be happy if I did. No, I can't, I thought. I saw a bar across the street and walked in, hoping that would raise my attitude. I had several drinks, and the night turned into a blur. At around 3 in the morning, I started walking home. As I was stumbling across the street, I saw bright headlights, and the next thing I knew, the whole world turned into whiteness, and I realized I was dead.

5 comments:

  1. Josie,
    You wrote your ending as an actual chapter in the book, and I was confused at first cause I didn't know where you were starting your ending, so perhaps add like "Courtroom scene" at the head or something.
    The way you wrote it was very good actually, it actually sounded like the character Meursault, besides the whole "feelings" part. Even when you wrote him dying the fact didn't seem to bother him because he believes that is what he deserves. What I would question if I Meursault realizes that when he said that "I would not be harming anyone else." that in fact he might be. He may be harming Marie into a state of grief, he may be affecting the courtroom for questioning their professional judgment by choosing this, and if not the worst, the driver that hit him (implying that that is the way of his death) may live the rest of his life with extreme guilt even if it WASN'T his fault. Which could affect the drivers family and friends and so on so on. That is just me questioning the truth in that sentence. Perhaps instead you could talk about his two quick decisions that affected his life, his first would be killing the Arab, the second, killing himself. Ultimately they were very half-heartedly decisions that affecting everything and everyone in his life.
    I really like this ending, a lot actually, and it was written very well with really good details and really sets the scene for his death. But at times it sort of strays away from the true character of Meursault, and if thats what you wanted to happen, then thats good too. But how he started tearing up just because he saw the family of the Arab, his mother died and I don't believe he shed a tear, and knowing Meursault, I assume that that's how he assumes everyone else to be.
    All of these suggestions aren't saying your blogs bad, cause it's really good and almost more interesting then the actual book.
    BUT on the other hand you could totally erase all of that that I just finished saying, and could look at this ending entirely differently. This ending could be making a statement, if you wanted it to. This has a lot of potential to be really big. You could purposely make the reader question everything in the book that they thought and who they thought Meursault was. You could continue on extra points that you have said that makes the reader think about it if you really wanted and it could be really beautiful.
    This one post made me think about all of that ^^^^ which says a lot about how good yours is, so props to you. GOOD JOB!!! keep on keeping on.

    -Jill

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  2. Hey! Nice alternate ending. I think just walking into a random bar is very Meursault.

    There are a couple things you could improve on. The paragraphs would be more prominent if you indented them or added a blank line in between them. I don't know if you tried to make the font size smaller at the beginning and bigger where he had a change of heart but, that happened. If you read over this again, you will probably notice that there are a few spelling and grammar mistakes that you should fix.

    Even in the beginning, the happy young girl comes out in your writing. I think that not discussing feelings or defending yourself would help it to be more Meursault. Maybe to get back those words you should talk more about random details of the room and/or the people in it.

    The fact that he feels sorry when he sees the family goes along with the theory that he was acting how he was because he was so dazed when his mom died. Maybe in his apology you should add something about things being different since his mom died. That would help him gain sympathy and a not guilty verdict.

    Groovy blog man.

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  3. I really liked reading this, it was so well written and the little details really help. In this blog take yourself out of it. You're writing a story about a character that already exists, you don't need to make a new one. You don't really stay with the true character of mersualt. Or maybe you did, I don't know, we probably will never really know what Mersault was thinking. Aesthetically your writing could be better, make the paragraphs more prominent, keep the same font and style etc. Overall this is a really good blog. You clearly put a lot of time and effort into it. You have a few spelling and grammatical errors. You could go into more detail that could make your blog better. but i don't know your blog is great and doesn't need a lot of help but it could use some so just keep doing what you're doing cause it seems to be working.

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  4. You got some great feedback from the three Quest 9 people, so read through that and take the helpful suggestions to heart. Ignore the not so helpful stuff.

    Your blog has some moments where it really shines! The characterization you make of him as a tired man who is more observant of small details than the big picture is so amazingly true to the original work. The idea of him not understanding the verdict at first and needing to clues from the audience to have it make sense is wonderful. It shows a real understanding of the character. You also know that he wouldn't know he was guilty without the help of the emotions and reactions of others.

    The twist at the ending is tragic, but I couldn't help smiling at it. I love how factual he is about reporting his own death.

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  5. Great Work Josie. There are a few grammar mistakes but otherwise it seems pretty. I like how you told us what his feelings were and what he was thinking. I think you could have put in more detail but that might have ruined the feeling of him being bored and not caring. I like how he is just like, well I'm dead.

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